If it don't come easy, you better let it go...

One of my Facebook friends from high school posed a GREAT question:

"Why do you spend years trying to convince a man that you are good for him?"

Goodness, that's a question for the ages, isn't it? From a man's perspective, I would argue that a woman shouldn't need nearly so long. If a man is worthy of a woman, he'll figure it out on his own and act accordingly. And it really is just that simple. Why so many men fuck around and string women along I don't know, but I am so glad I don't have to deal anymore with the consequences of other males doing that. What do I mean by that? Read on. No doubt many of you read between the lines last summer and figured out what happened with the one Sabra and I like to call Kitty-Eater, so I don't figure I am airing any dirty laundry here that hasn't been aired before...

Like I said before, Kitty-Eater got to where she'd be gone half the time and she'd be sleeping downstairs when she WAS at home. One thing led to another and I got the whole "I feel like we're more best friends than a couple" thing. She wanted to stay friends and roommates, but I wanted no part of that after being the victim of her bait-and-switch. She blamed her actions on the fact that she'd always had problems with men, and a few months later out of the blue I got a text message from her saying she really did love me but she got the idea that I was too good for her, which I guess led to her withdrawing from me and things working out the way they did. And then there was the message I referred to in this post.

But I told you all that to tell you this. I wondered now and then if the way she did me was in any way due to anything that had happened in her previous relationships. Not that I'd ever excuse her treatment of me or try to rationalize it, because ultimately we're all responsible for dealing with our own shit instead of causing pain for other people with our failure to deal with said shit. Those issues have to come from somewhere, though. And for all I know, Kitty-Eater's issues -- her thinking I was too good for her and sabotaging the relationship -- might have come from the way men had treated her before. And THAT goes back to what my friend was talking about and what I was getting at in my reply: You don't have to spend as much time as you think, or go THAT far out of your way, to show someone that you're good for them. If they're worthy of you, they'll figure it out and they will SHOW you. And that goes for men and women too.

Of course, the flip side of that is this -- you spend all that time trying to show someone you're good for them and they never figure it out, and you get to thinking you're not good enough for them -- or (God forbid) ANYONE. And as I had to learn for myself, that gets to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. God help me, there are going to be those who think I am channeling Stuart Smalley here, but you have to say "I AM good enough," you have to think it, and for heaven's sake ACT like it. Don't settle for less or think you're worthy of less -- because as sure as God made little green apples, you WILL get it.

None of that, however, is to say that things would have worked out between Kitty-Eater and myself had Kitty-Eater gotten her issues with men resolved by the time I came along -- or that it would've been nearly as good as it is with Sabra. Like I tell her all the time, Sabra is not just a step up -- she's a turbine-powered escalator up. ;-) She dealt with her post-divorce feelings and gives me her all to make it the best it can be every single day. Instead of withdrawing from me, she comes closer all the time.